Tenishia Vanderpool

Maybe… I AM the Problem

That sentence right there? It’s powerful.

It takes a certain level of self-awareness and emotional intelligence to admit it—sometimes, the problem isn’t them, it’s actually you. Even when that truth is hard to swallow.

Conflict Happens—But What We Do With It Matters

Disagreements are normal. But if you’re anything like me, they can quickly spiral into a competition:

Who can be the most hurtful? Who can “win” the argument first?

Not saying it’s healthy… just being honest.

I try to listen to understand, not just to respond (another one of those life skills from my Madre)

But let’s be real—sometimes you just have to say something. Someone says something untrue. Someone disrespects you. Someone clearly isn’t listening.

And the instinct? Fire back, right?

But What If We Didn’t React?

What if we felt disrespected—and chose not to act on it? What if we just… let it go? What if we got mad, and we didn’t instantly react?

Story Time (Stick With Me)

One day, my husband and I were arguing. About what? Honestly, I don’t even remember. I just remember being mad—fully justified, of course.

And in true Tenishia fashion, I ran through my mental checklist:

All the reasons I was upset Which ones were clearly his fault How I was going to “explain” exactly why he was wrong

I mentally prepared my emotional TED Talk, fully expecting him to absorb every word, take accountability, and promise immediate change.

Spoiler alert: That’s not how it usually goes.

He’d feel attacked. I’d feel unheard. And boom—we’d be back in the cycle.

This time… I tried something different.

I didn’t respond. I was mad—but I didn’t fire off a text the second I got to work…I didn’t get petty. I didn’t snap back. I didn’t do the “silent treatment, but loud” thing.

I just… sat with the feelings and went about my day. And you know what?

It was… great!

No back-and-forth.

No regrets.

No words I had to wish away later.

We both had good days.

We came home, had a good night, and when we finally talked—

we were calm, clear-headed, and actually heard each other.

Can I say it again?

It. Was. Great.

That was the moment I realized: Maybe… I am the problem. If my decision to just shut up changed the dynamic of my entire household for the whole day…Its me. Im the problem 😬

How’s that for humbling?