Tenishia Vanderpool

I think one of the craziest parts of my parenting journey has been going from being a single mom of three girls for 10+ years — three girls who needed me 24/7 — to now having a son on the autism spectrum who prefers his dad over anyone else in the house. He doesn’t need me… at least not in the same way he needs his dad.

It’s been interesting, to say the least. Definitely an adjustment I wasn’t quite prepared for. Sometimes it even feels like God said, “Remember when you said you needed a break? When you dreamt of rest? Well… here it is.” 😅

These days, I can get up and go to work and be gone all day, and it barely phases anyone in the house (except maybe my husband). But for him to leave? That requires preparation. It’s a whole process.

And sometimes I feel a little like a lost puppy. There’s a very real shift that happens when you go from being the person — the comfort, the default parent, the safe place — to suddenly not being the one who’s needed all the time anymore. It’s relief and grief all at once.

Watching my husband be the safe person… he is the anchor. The comfort. The one our son turns to for regulation, reassurance, and calm. Words can’t express how grateful I am for that bond. But I’m also human. And I see how heavy it can be to be needed constantly (being the preferred parent to a child with autism is NOT for the weak). I see the exhaustion, and sometimes I struggle, because I want to help carry it… but there are moments when even my presence makes things harder instead of easier.

So here we are — learning. Adjusting. Figuring things out as we go.

And honestly, the best way to describe how this plays out in our house is with a little bathroom story. 😅

You know how people always joke that moms can’t even go to the bathroom alone? Well, the other day I was sitting in the bathroom when I heard my son knock and try the doorknob. I said:

“Hey bud, it’s Mom in the bathroom — not Dad.”

And he said, “Oh,”
…AND WALKED AWAY.

Can I just get a quick show of hands from the moms this has happened to before? 🤣🤣Usually its the moms hiding in the bathroom for some peace…

So I guess all of this is really just to say:

If you’re a parent walking through a season where “being needed” looks different than you expected, I hope you know this:

Sometimes our role is to lead.
Sometimes it’s to anchor.
And sometimes it’s simply to support the connection that helps our children feel safe — even when that connection isn’t with us.